An...odd feeling in the DUSK...

What do you really want to know????

Am I sorry for d decision that I took ages back or sorry for what I did...

Well, am I???....

but in reality....there is not even a single day goes by...

I don't feel regret not because I am here in this state of my oblivion...

or because you all think I should...

now when I look back on the way I was then...

a young, stupid young soul...

too young to get the job...too young to get rich (which I suppose)...n too young to commit that terrible mistake..(dos who knows me ..dey al know what I mean...)

I wanna talk to HIM

I wanna try and talk some sense to him...

tell him the things are...n try to put him through some reality check...

But I can't...

that crazy stupid young fella is long gone...

this bitter ME is all that's left...

n I gotta live with this...

and now I don't give a SHIT!!!.....

When night comes,...

A babymoon laughs sideways in the dark.....

I laugh back and think......Partway across the world Your sky 

is also filled with this same Golden laughter,...

And hope that you,... Twinkling Blue Eyes, see and hear,...

So that somehow we three are joined together in our gladness,...

Each in our own space,...

Together apart, Distance meaningless.....And I sleep in a world

 full of smiles....in fact, I try to sleep but the thought continues to

 haunt me even in my wildest dream....and as usual the night 

slips away from me...to leave me with the reality of 

daylight...where all I can do is to pretend to be awesome while 

trying to make a living.....

Something never changes….

Men with troubled & sweaty faces, boys with extra energy & increased chivalry, garden with aged flowers.., shops with no change, hearts with no brakes, few heartbreaks,..gang of girls…..witchy women…people with faulty organ, evil intentions…believer of false promises…,smiling faces to welcome the miracle…bachelor prides, unspoken words, unrehearsed proposals, unwanted fevers, unknown sensations, untested proximities... couples all around, love all around . ... all in the middle of a chilled July morning ..Locked within the so-called this pretty WORLD in a dense intricate pattern... Unabashed & Unabated ...

Something never changes ... :)

Another promised day has stepped in ….hoping to mend the broken soul…n bleeding pride…

my concern...
..yes this world is so BIG...
..so many things to be done...
role to be played....and time just passes by the wink of an eye...
..and I am sure that many things will be left UNDONE at the end...
..many words will be left UNSAID...
..............and this makes me really WORRIED ....at times
..just can't afford to leave this world with the basket full ....of the unfinished state of affairs...
I think ...next time I will choose a SMALLER PLANET!!!..
How about you???......

Why?....

Life's full of mystery & sorrow....(as usual)...

... it's always other way around...

..always hangs on to be or not to be...

..so many roles to be played...

..sometimes smile without the reason...

          ..mystery thickens.

...mystery thickens more as the plot comes to an end...

...love finds....love dies

..soul cries..soul mate runs

nevertheless, this wild heart never stops to beat..until the day we breathe our last air...

...perhaps the plot remains thick as usual,....even if we die...

..but we still long to be back after all these,..to feel free and alive again...

..but as usual life's mystery...

..and it cannot be UNFOLD.....fellas!!

Give yourself a CHANCE....

Give yourself a CHANCE.....

...If you look close enough to the world around you,
you might find someone like you...
... Someone trying to find their way, someone trying to find their self...in the hustle and bustle of this business of life....at times it seems like you are the only one in the world who’s struggling..., who’s frustrated,unsatisfied, barely getting by.....But that feeling’s a lie..life can't be that rude to you all the time.... And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all just for another day....
....Someone or something will find you and make it all okay.Because we all need a little help sometimes.....We need someone to remind us that it won’t always be this way.....things gonna be just fine...That someone is out there.And that someone will find you.......or make a way for you.....so HANG on fellas..sun is definitely gonna SHINE someday in your LIFE....right now its just another RAINY DAY.. 

Intricacies in life...........

...Intricacies in LIFE...

.........is it a single biggest mistake of my life that keeps determining my future steps????..or its just that I ain't strong enough to get over it...!! or my quest for better life is so weak and fragile...that every time it keeps crashing down whenever I try to move on to better WORLD....with BETTER HUMAN.... and still question remains that am I entitle to feel alive again???.. or its just that my quest for better future is so vague and demanding....Who's there to decide for me??..or is it all about ME or am i here to live life for others???..i ain't no even iota of reason that why things have been happening all this while....in such a NASTY NOTE.....and it continues  still......but at the end of my so-called PROMISING LIFE..i only know that its gonna BLOW UP with the WIND....and only thing that will remain is faded MEMORIES in some people's heart till they are ALIVE.......and sooner they too will suffer from AMNESIA.....what the HECK!!! 

A Silly METAPHOR.........4th Sept.2011, Pondicherry (somewhere in South India)..

..

..2day morning my LAPTOP  got crashed, I was 

NUMB, STUNNED, SHOCKED for awhile.... everything seemed so plain..suddenly cos that was my only source of entertainment during dis trip to Pondicherry....but now by evening I've come to my senses.., I' ve accepted the reality,... I've picked it up to its case,... all d accessories related to it have been put into its storage till it gets to repair,.....now I've found out the solace in my iPod nano n book that I didn't care when laptop was oozing its charm....perhaps dis d way it works wit d life too..... when someone near n dear one leaves your life for bigger purpose or 4evr...it certainly takes times 2 adjust wit d loss..but eventually we do...we try 2 distance 4rm d things that would remind us of the person..we have lost...only difference is the damage to the laptop is reparable... n loss of human isn't....n...we have 2 live with it.....

Yes!!! Dat was Yesterday………..I Fought for my life ….n I WON…

Yes!! I do admit that I have been very bad..absolutely bad to so many people..cause they only know that they were the one responsible for that state of mine…yes!! I have fallen in and outta love several times like normal humans do…cause I too had an untamed heart then…. I have traveled through this ugly road cause that was the only way I knew then….. I have fought with the dragons inside me and at times I have been scared to death cause of the excruciating pain thus caused…

...yes! I got intoxicated in order to take myself away from those shit that life had given to me…it gave me a magical relief and made me delusional….to forget you were not a choice but a compulsion…I had to rearrange myself in a new world without you…Yes! I have cried while walking through the rain….tried to talk with those stars.... gazed at the moon hoping for some signs & answers …..Yes! I have been human on several occasions of my life….but in the end.. the feeling didn't change the reality…

And when I look back now…I have no regrets..what I am right now is the consequences of my choice,... I am the only one responsible for myself…
My past is here to guide me ..not to judge me…I am PROUD to be MYSELF.

The Quest continues......

..the road that has been less traveled... I dare to walk, venture into an endless odyssey of wilderness, perhaps in the process I may discover new me in myself, find lost me in myself and start to appreciate what was immaterial to me, see the new signs of life at the end of the tunnel. 

Well this is wishful thinking but certainly, there is a chance if you believe in...but still the road is long and winding....n I could never stop walking...

Yes, you can...

Because it's only when you're tested that you discover who you truly are. And it's only when you're tested that you discover who you can be. it's only when you are left alone in the battle then you will realize that you can move the mountains...The person you want to do exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief, and beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead.....

There is a story behind every faces….

I have a strong reason to believe that every face we see on the street has a story to tell, a story to bury within, a story to spread across the persons with similar fate and faces. Always looking for someone to hear it through with compassion, share it to the ill-fated a soul like them so that burden unleashes by itself..but only a few lucky ones get to be that privileged. The moment one goes through can never be the same to others, the moment on the cold dark cell, the moment in the time of stupidity, insanity, those watchful eyes, penetrating voices and melancholy call…everyone has their own share of happiness and sorrows. To live and live it through is two different things for which I would say - One doesn’t need life to live a life but needs the heart to do so… whenever I see and meet people, I have been very meticulous to consider the things from their point of view, try to walk with them in their darkest hour, try to look through their eyes and with their perspective. Many of the times I have been blessed to have found people like me and blessed enough to unleash the burden that I have been carrying within my soul…but like always nothing lasts forever. People come and go, I continue to long for more and story keeps compiling, keeps unfolding and rolling…But yesterday I found the only person whom I can lean on and believe in, share everything that has been inside me since the day I started to feel blood in my vein and  pain in the heart... because he has been through the same, walked all along with me in my best of days and worst of nights.. it's you, man, you are the one… whose face I see in the mirror…at last we met …phew!!!

When you dare.....Yes, I have the audacity to walk into d trouble land, to get into the mess which doesn't concern me...take the unknown path that has never been traveled...n in d process I end up hating myself ..at times..when things go terribly wrong..:(